Wednesday, 13 November 2013

The Vampire Bat

Smaller, airborne cousin of the venus flytrap, the vampire bat flies at night using smells, and avoids hitting things by tracking the flow of odours.

The vampire bat feeds on other bat's blood, with those bats surviving the attack then becoming vampire bats.
Most other bats feed only on bees. Contrary to the assurances of the elders of the Zumba tribe, I can confirm that bat droppings, however cooked, do not taste like honey.
Legend has it that if a member of the Zumba tribe is bitten by a vampire bat, a bite which apparently leaves no obvious mark, a terrible fate will fall on the village. This can only be avoided by the ancient ritual of Mutumbu, in which every member of the tribe must urinate on the tethered torso of an honoured guest, ideally European.

Please God, let there not be yet another attack this evening.

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