Wednesday, 13 November 2013

Snakes (and Eels)

I have placed snakes and eels together as they are essentially the same thing. 

With no legs, the snake propels itself along using some sort of devilry. It is profoundly evil and as untrustworthy as a Whitechapel orphan left alone for five minutes in one's private quarters for reasons which I have no need to defend here. 

The Zumba women use hollowed snakes to store hens' eggs. Adapting this idea, I have begun importing hollowed snakes to Great Britain, where they have become enormously popular as novelty billiard-ball bags. 

The snake is a unique proposition in the animal kingdom, with there actually only being one base type. All snakes are born with an insatiable lust for bison flesh, and will eat anything en route to a bison herd. The snake becomes noticeably changed after each meal, a grass snake will become a cobra after eating a vampire bat, for example. The final stage is the python stage, which is only achieved once the snake has finally consumed a bison. 

At this point, the snake climbs into a mango tree, where it sleeps for 15 years, then dies. The Zumba consider it extremely bad luck to be struck by the falling carcass of a 48 stone snake.

Eels are snakes, only wetter.

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